


Buzzfeed Unsolved But Every Time They Argue They Come Up With An Increasingly Stupid Name For Each Other

by Silveralm



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Banter, Fluff, Gen, The Boys Messing Around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-01-30 17:14:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12657918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silveralm/pseuds/Silveralm
Summary: I think the title explains it all.





	Buzzfeed Unsolved But Every Time They Argue They Come Up With An Increasingly Stupid Name For Each Other

It started off as an accident. Or, what Shane insisted was an accident. Ryan, however, was a little more skeptical. 

“You tell them about the next episode,” Ryan had said, grinning as they wrapped up the Q + A video with only one - one - animated bit. He was pretty proud about that one. 

“The next one? Well, Bry -” Shane paused, confusion flickering across his face for a split second. Then he hurriedly continued, “Ryan and I -”

“Wait, were you going to say -” Ryan interrupted.

“- visited something you might -” Shane continued steadily, staring calmly at the camera. 

“Were you going to call me Brian?” Ryan questioned, loudly talking over Shane. 

Shane stopped, exhaling softly. “... Yes.”

“Yes?!” Ryan exclaimed, laughing a little. 

“Yes, Brian, I was going to call you Brian. I guess it’s your new name now,” Shane added easily. “Brian.”

“... Does that mean my fans could be called the ‘bri-aniacs’?” Ryan asked. 

Shane frowned. 

“You know? Like the brainiacs, but ‘bri-aniacs’?” Ryan explained, laughing more as Shane’s frown grew deeper. 

“No, no, okay. We’re ditching the name,” Shane decided. 

“Bri-aniacs,” Ryan added, giggling. Shane shook his head firmly. 

“No.”

\-----------

“It’s clearly someone talking! What else could explain it?!” Ryan argued, slipping down his headphones off his ears. He waved a hand at the computer screen, wondering how the fuck Shane managed to twist what was clearly a ghost fucking talking into some ‘human body’ bullshit. 

Shane seemed amused. “Like I said, there’s a group of people there. There’s wind. It’s an old house. Honestly, I can think of thousands of reasons that stand up better than ‘ooo, it’s a ghost!’” 

“Yeah, ‘cause all of those just happen to sound like someone saying ‘leave or die’,” Ryan emphasised. 

“Personally, I like to think it sounded like ‘leave or pie’,” Shane replied seriously. 

Ryan paused.

A snuffle of laughter shot out through his lips. He quickly covered his mouth, feeling more annoyed but unable to ignore the ridiculousness of it. 

Shane grinned in response. “See?”

“Fine, Shaun,” Ryan shot back, smiling a bit mischievously. “The ghost was saying pie.”

“Shaun?” Shane questioned. After a short moment, realization dawned on his face. “Is this for the -” He winced. “- ‘brian’ thing? Because that was an accident.”

“Oops, didn’t mean to call you Shaun,” Ryan said, not even aiming for an apologetic tone. 

“Oh, come on,” Shane complained. 

“Anyway, let’s get back to the video,” Ryan ordered, putting his headphones back on. 

“Yeah, the pie video,” Shane added. 

Ryan really felt like punching him right then. He pressed play on the video, hanging on to the thiniest, tiniest part of his brain that said ‘no, don’t punch Shane!’. 

To be honest, that part had always been very quiet.

\-------

“Holy shit,” Ryan swore, backing away from the seriously creepy doll that had just turned on by itself. “Ohmygod.”

“Oh, look Ryan!” Shane said, stepping forward to the doll with the survival instinct of a two-year-old. “A ghostie turned it on!”

“Fuckfuckfuck,” Ryan mumbled, very intensely wanting to run out of the door but also not wanting to have to go through the house by himself. “We need to leave, Shane.”

Shane picked up the doll, and Ryan felt like he was going to have a heart attack. He was reasonably sure he was close-to hyperventilating. “I think the ghostie wants to communicate with us, Ryan.”

“Fuck off,” Ryan snapped back, though it didn’t have much strength behind it.

Shane turned back to look at him, holding up the doll a little bit so Ryan could see it clearly. “Come on, it’s an old doll! Old things malfunction.”

“But not like that!” Ryan exclaimed. 

“Okay then. Ghostie! Ghostie boy, come out and talk to us,” Shane called out tone mocking. 

Ryan eyed the doll, waiting tensely with a pounding heart. It felt like his brain was fizzling out, meaningless thoughts bouncing around his head and making it hard to think. 

“See?” Shane said after nothing happened. “Creepy coincidence, like always.”

“Could you - Can you please just put the fucking doll back down,” Ryan requested shakily, holding his torch so tight he could feel the metal imprinting onto his palm.

Shane carefully put the doll back down in its original place, patting it very lightly on its head. “I have to admit, though, that doll does look pretty metal. If things could be haunted, I’d say that doll was one.”

“I really hate you sometimes,” Ryan told him, wrapping his arms tightly around himself. “This place is a hell hole and we’re leaving.”

“Don’t you want to say goodbye to our little dolly over here?” Shane asked with a grin. 

“Fuck off, Sean,” Ryan said sharply, turning and marching out of the door. 

“That isn’t even close to Shane!” Shane protested but followed him anyway.

\--------

“I can’t believe it,” Shane declared, watching as Ryan approached the horrifying thing that had been dubbed ‘the creepiest cabinet in the entire universe’ by the hotel worker in the lobby. “Little baby Ry-Ry is all grown up! Approaching scary cabinets all by himself!”

“Fuck off, Pane,” Ryan replied, hovering uncertainly in front of the cabinet. 

“Ooh, that one is smart. Shane, pain? I can see the connection,” Shane observed, half-mocking, but mostly just making white noise.

“More like pain in my ass,” Ryan muttered, reaching out for the handle. Luckily for him, the handles happened to look exactly like ‘two snarling hellhounds’ - the hotel worker’s words, not his. 

“What was that?” Shane asked, moving closer. 

“Nothing,” Ryan answered. He tried to gently pull open the door, but it seemed to catch. So he tugged a little harder - still, it remained shut. 

“Is it locked?” Shane questioned.

“No, it’s just -” Ryan cut himself off, straining as he pulled at the hound’s head. “I’m sure it’ll just -” he tried harder but found it wasn’t working.

“Maybe it just needs some wriggling?” Shane suggested. 

Ryan stepped back, shaking his hand with a wince. “You do it. I think I might have just pulled a finger muscle doing that.”

“A finger muscle?” Shane repeated incredulously but tried the cabinet anyway. 

“There are muscles in your fingers!” Ryan defended. 

“Yeah, but -” Shane shook his head and gave the cabinet door a firm wriggling. “You don’t really pull your finger muscles.”

“Well I did,” Ryan countered. 

Shane chuckled. “Okay then.” He moved away from the cabinet. “It seems locked to me.”

“I guess we’ll have to go and ask the staff about it?” Ryan offed. 

“Maybe we can get an icepack for your finger while we’re down there,” Shane suggested. Ryan didn’t give him the pleasure of seeing him frown, just turned and headed for the door. 

“Pane,” Ryan said, staring directly at the camera. He jutted a thumb back over his shoulder at the tall guy. “That’s what he is.” 

“I have the feeling I might need to up my nickname game,” Shane informed, still grinning. “What sounds like Ryan?”

“Brian,” Ryan answered immediately. 

“Oh, you can be a bit more creative than that,” Shane replied. 

“No, no. I think I like Brian. The ‘bri-aniacs’ is pretty catchy,” Ryan disagreed, smiling himself. 

Shane made a sound of disgust. “‘Bri-aniacs’.”

“I know,” Ryan agreed happily, twisting around and walking backward so he could look at Shane. “Isn’t it great?”

Shane skidded to a sudden halt. After a brief hesitation, Ryan followed suit. 

“What is it?” Ryan asked, concerned. 

“... If your fans are called the ‘bri-aniacs’...” Shane said, pausing to grimace. “Does that mean mine are called the painiacs?”

Ryan wheezed. “Oh my god, that is amazing.”

“No, no, it’s not. I don’t think we’d have any fans anymore, Ryan. It’d be too horrifying,” Shane told him seriously. 

“But who wouldn’t want to be a ‘bri-aniac’?” Ryan questioned, giggling at Shane’s expression. 

“Anyone with a basic respect for normal-sounding words!” Shane retorted. 

Ryan continued to giggle, covering his mouth slightly. Shane sighed. 

“I… I guess we could try a twitter poll?” Shane offered weakly. 

“... That is probably the best idea you’re going to have this season.”

\----------

 **Shane Madej** @shalexandej  
We’re thinking about changing the fan names. What’dya think? (NOTE: Brianiacs is pronounced ‘bri-aniacs’, like Brian with a ‘niac’ tucked in on the end).  
**NEW Brianiacs & Painiacs - 51%**  
**Shaniacs & Boogaras - 49%**  
_24,625 votes -- 4 hours left_

 **Spoopy Bois** @UnsolvedGhostBuster _4h_  
I choose Painiacs and Brianiacs to make them suffer.

 **I Want To Believe** @Ghoooosts_Unsolved _3h_  
What the fuck are these names even

 **Not Unusual** @iwheezeeveryday _3h_  
I’m confused. And concerned. Deeply. … Why?

**Author's Note:**

> I binged watched all of Buzzfeed Unsolved and now I'm desperate for more content. I hope you guys liked this weird little fanfic I've written! 
> 
> IMPORTANT EXTRA NOTE: Check out this awesome art [Sol](http://iltani-sol.tumblr.com) made for this fic [right here](http://iltani-sol.tumblr.com/post/167531435826/wheeze-guess-who-spent-the-last-3-nights)! :D


End file.
